Funny Jokes

Do You Need Something to Tickle Your Funny Bones?

Funny Jokes:

First Date:

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should ave mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

Chuck Norris Joke:

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Strange Signs:

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

Some Men are Like...

Silverware -- they on appear only when there is food on the table.

Some Women are Like...

Computers -- everything is stored in long-term memory for easy retrieval later on.

Funny Jokes:

Who is doing the work around here?

The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of the writing, but there are 64 million people over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work.

People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work.

Because of the 31 million government employees, there are only 26 million left to do the work.

Six million in the armed forces leave twenty million workers

Deduct 17 million State, County, and City employees, and we are left with three million to do the work.

There are 2,500,000 people in hospitals, asylums, and treatment facilities leaving half a million workers.

However, 450,000 of these are bums or others who will not work, leaving 50.000 to do the work.

Now, it may interest you to know that there are 49,998 people in jail, so that leaves just 2 people to do all the work, and that is you and me, and I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!

Funny Quotes and Famous Quotes

Used to be that my true love brought me chocolate. Now my true love IS chocolate.
- Unknown

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.
- Jules Feiffer

Keep it up, laughing is good for you!

John Garret
The Dream Date Resource Expert