Improving Marriage Communication or Relationship Communications |

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Improving Marriage Communication or Relationship Communications

Here’s a quick test… do both of you finish each others sentence? Do you both stop asking questions of each other because you already know the answers?

Well, there is a danger to being too comfortable with communication within a relationship. You see, once you guys reach a point in which you both are so comfortable with each other… you may stop communicating.

But let’s start at the beginning. Remember when you both first met? The communication and the time you both put into just talking to each other?

For some of you… you may spend literally hours and hours just talking on the phone. Or emailing. Or text messaging.

And to be more honest… I’m willing to bet that most of the stuff you both talked about was about… nothing. Just like that Jerry Seinfeld show… just about nothing. But it was the most exciting and interesting time of your life.

Am I right about this?

Like most marriages and long term relationships… conversations became shorter and shorter… and less enjoyable… and pretty soon you got those one word responses such as… “Dinner?” “Sure.”

And the romantic music is just gone. It just sneaks up on you and before you know it… the romance… the togetherness… the knowing that someone has your back… it is just gone. You now have a roommate that you can’t stand.

So how to change this marriage killer? The boring routine and stifling conversations?

You both need to get together and agree that some changes will have to be made… such as TV free periods… (in my opinion… the TV is the biggest reason why life is really boring… and browsing on the Internet is 2nd).

It is time to “be” in the real world. To actually sit down and talk to each other. I suggest that you have a dinner each evening… with no distractions such as TV, computers, games or phones.

Just each other talking about your day and perhaps even sharing some funny stories or reminiscence about the fun times you had together in the past.

But it is a good start. A actual, real conversation that connects you both. Together.

You could have a romantic dinner at home. Use candlelight for creating a romantic mood. And oh yeah… there has to be some rules… like do not discuss controversial or disagreeable subjects. I mean, come on here! You guys want to connect… well use that noggin for stimulating conversation that is interesting and of course… fun.

Another way to communicate is to do something new that you both would like to try. How about ball room dancing? It can be challenging… but it is something well worth trying to get better at. The most important thing about doing something together is… it is a shared experience. It can bring you both closer.

Another area that you should be considering is… LISTENING!! This is one of the most underused and misunderstood skill in the civilized world today.

Nobody listens anymore. You can go to a store… and tell the proprietor or the helper what you are looking for… and they don’t listen… and that doesn’t help you.

Well, the same thing goes for relationships… listening is a valuable skill for communications. I can’t begin to tell you how much things will change if you become a better listener. That means don’t interrupt. That means repeated what someone said to make sure you understood what they just said.

And when you do become a good listener… you are going to find that you become a better friend… a better spouse… and so on…

You see… when you listen… and the other person KNOWS that you are listening… it gives them validation. And that my friend is how you make other people feel better about themselves. And when other people feel better about themselves when they are around you… guess what? They like you more!

So what other ways you can think of for improving marriage communication… or relationship communication?

warmly,

John

P.S. I reviewed Conversation Chemistry by Mirabelle Summers and Amy Waterman… it is one of the better programs out there that can seriously help the communication in your relationship.