Is Jealousy a Problem
for You?

by Susie and Otto Collins
Relationship Coaches

Overcome Jealousy Problem

Jealousy can be a problem in any type of relationship. Whether you are jealous of your loved one, a friend, an acquaintance or a co-worker, the effects are the same and they can cause trouble in your life.

You can have jealousy problem with other people's things, their success, their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming sensation of fear that drives you to say and do things that you wouldn't do otherwise. In its extreme, it can lead to divorce and separation from others.

Jealousy can creep in when you least expect it and it's always a signal to look within and discover what's underneath it. Thinking that it will go away if you ignore it will only prolong your anxiety and challenges.

In fact, jealousy is almost never just about the jealousy itself and what seems to be happening on the surface like flirting with another person. It's usually about whatever is lurking underneath that needs to be uncovered and dealt with. It might be a broken heart from a previous relationship or it might be low self esteem issues.

One thing we know from our own experiences and from the experiences of our clients is that the first step to changing anything in your life is first to become aware of your feelings and the reasons why you want to change.

These are feelings that separate you from other people and destroy trust. These feelings may be anger, fear, sadness, or anything else that close you down and don't allow a connection with those you love.

We've discovered that you can stuff your feelings and deny that they are there until they become so big that you are forced to deal with them, or you can acknowledge what you are feeling and make the commitment that you are ready to have another experience in your life. You are saying that you are willing to do what it takes to heal that part of yourself.

When it comes to overcoming jealousy, no matter how it shows up in your life, it doesn't go away until it is acknowledged and there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to change and heal it. You also can't point your finger outward at others. You have to be committed to changing yourself.

Here's a quick example of how jealousy can manifest itself and a couple of tips for getting to the bottom of it.

One of our coaching clients, Steve found himself being jealous of his wife for no apparent reason.

He kept denying his feelings because he knew that his wife was faithful to him but he kept blowing up at her and flinging accusations in her way for no apparent reason.

Steve knew that he had to do something about his jealousy when his wife told him that his jealousy had gone too far and that he needed help.

Steve committed to finding out where his jealous feelings were coming from. He took some time alone to get quiet and feel what he was feeling when he was jealous and put words to those feelings.

Then he asked himself some questions like "What feelings are at the root of my jealousy?" and "What do these feelings remind me of?"

He wrote his answers as he asked himself these questions and he was able to get a glimpse of what he needed to heal within himself. Fear of abandonment was at the root of his jealous feelings. He was afraid that his wife would leave him. These feelings reminded him of a previous relationship when he was left.

By dealing with his feelings head on, he was able to create a healthy relationship with his wife.

If you are having challenges with jealousy or any other strong emotion that could potentially wreck your relationships, we invite you to look underneath and see what the real problem is.

Then you can commit to working on and healing these challenges and committing to making some changes for the better in your life.

For a free mini-course on healing jealousy, visit No More Jealousy